times flies, even when you're doing nothing. the week's end is here, the 'rents come in tomorrow, and i finally walk the lawn on sunday. i think spending the past week soaking up charlottesville has helped me get over that bout of depression i was experiencing about the whole graduation thing. no doubt, im still reluctant to have to enter the real world, but at least i'm more prepared to leave charlottesville than i was before.
the week's been mostly just lazing about, walking around charlottesville. eating at a different restaurant every meal. had some really good sandwiches. watching alias (season 5 is kinda crappy). sitting in the sun. rented a car on wednesday and visited skyline drive and luray caverns. running errands. nothing really in particular, which has been kinda nice.
can't believe my undergraduate life is over. jc didn't seem too far away, but i think i've certainly grown older, although not necessarily more mature. the US has given me an experience of a lifetime, taught me to look at the world through new eyes - to accept and understand different views of the world, to recognize different cultural interpretations and perspectives. i've become a tad bit wilder, in a sense that i'm no longer content with a cushy, normal, run-of-the-mill life. and i kinda like it that way. although i'm afraid that after going back home and getting caught in the routine of work and home, i might forget about it. i hope not.
and also, i guess the past three years have really been a period of self-awareness and i've come to learn alot about myself. i don't know if i've become more carless and klutzy, but it certainly has become more apparent, and its consequences more dire. and while i used to laugh at myself about it (a good thing for one to be able to laugh at oneself, right?), at some point it was no longer funny but rather, frustrating. i think i also lack this 'capacity to execute', to follow through on what i set out to do. i hope to change those. i used to think that my indecisiveness was my biggest problem, but i think that has gotten better.
perhaps, a reflection upon graduation requires some grandoise statement about life (as though im giving the valedictorian speech huh). i don't know. maybe mine would be that life has too much to offer to sit around comfortably, or to look at it through blinkers. have your own perspective, but don't judge others for having theirs. dare to experience life, dare to have your comfortable world turned upside down. but have convictions, have principles, have a fierce passion for something in life. thank goodness im not valedictorian, that would have been a weak speech. but that honestly sums up what i've learnt these past two/three years.
wow. after this commercial break, it's time for the real world.
i think i really should just hide in my room and not mess with the world because.. well, i'd just create a big mess.
gm and clara stayed back to hang out with me until graduation. we were supposed to go on a roadtrip but decided to hang out in cville in the end cos firstly, we wanted to save money and secondly, im not going to be in cville anymore so i might as well savor it while im here.
anyhows, the two are crashing at the irc since we stayed back in the ville, but illegally since they arent approved for late stay. and all cards were deactivated today, except for those who were approved for late stay. but i lost my id, and ive been using ruyi's since she left, and she didn't get late stay. so basically between the three of us, none of us has a card that can get us into the building.
i feel terrible, and terribly useless. i wonder how im going to survive europe on my own at this rate. but more than that, i wonder how im going to take on real responsibilites.
i slept in my sheets for the last time last night. woke up this morning, put them in the wash, and in a couple of hours they will be packed up among cheryl's things and put into storage. i won't get to roll around in my purple sheets anymore. =(
today's the last breakfast of champions as well. i took double the amount of food i usually do, just because.
tomorrow is the last day for check-out. i won't get to see these people anymore for, perhaps, the rest of my life.
i don't know if i'm over-reacting to the situation, but i really am very sad. maybe because i've only had two years here and now i have to leave. and maybe because each semester has been better than the previous that i'm still looking forward to more. i'm sad about having to leave the college lifestyle, about having to leave america, about no longer having my own space and time and being accountable to no one else but myself.
i've decided to go ahead with europe. and maybe visit suching in bangalore when i get back. and if i have time and money left, hongkong to see vennesa and jonathan. i don't want to have to return to the singapore life yet. the thought of getting caught in the mundane cycle of work, home, work, home, work, hom scares the hell out of me. and as much as i can say now that i promise myself i won't allow myself to lead that 'comfortable' life, it's so easy to fall back into the general flow of things.
One last cry, before I leave it all behind I’ve gotta put you outta my mind this time Stop living a lie I know I gotta be strong Cause round me life goes on and on and on And on.....
I’m gonna dry my eyes Right after I had my One last cry
at 10:37am, i hit the "sent" button and submitted my last assignment for my undergraduate career.
i am done, and the realities are too great for me to handle. for now, im just thinking about watching spiderman 3, playing poker, watching alias season 5, going for dinners, watching the sunrise, going on a roadtrip, attending the salsa congress, backpacking europe, and ignoring the real consequences of my actions.
it's really interesting when you see a cultural difference play out infront of you.
we had two comm468 alumni come speak to us in class the other day, and as a gesture of appreciation for the advice our professor had given them throughout their venture, they presented her with a gift at the end of their lecture. firstly, they handed it to her with one hand; secondly, she opened the gift in front of the class; and thirdly, it was a clock (no doubt a tiffany's one though).
*
the shooter turns out to be a south korean. and his dad and mum both tried to kill themselves upon hearing the news - dad died, while mum is in the hospital.
in 10 days, i will be done with my major assignments. in 20 days, i will be taking my last class at McIntire and UVA. in 30 days, i will have completed my final undergraduate semester. in 40 days, i will be walking down the lawn in my cap and gown. in 50 days, i will be leaving the soils of America.
in 70 days, i will be touching down on home ground.
life is coming too fast at me. growing up is no fun.
i have a problem. ive bought fourteen pairs of shoes since coming to charlottesville. they range from 97cents to 120buckaroos; from old navy, kmart, anonymous brands, nine west, steve madden and uggs. 1 pair of flipflops, 2 pairs of sneakers, 4 pairs of ballet flats, 1 pair of opentoed wedgey, 4 pairs of heels and 1 pair of boots.
arranged according to date of purchase (one pair is back home, thus not featured)
and still, i dont have the right pair for every occasion and outfit (even though i think i have more shoes than clothes). a girl can never have too many shoes!
in a society that promotes liberty and freedom and that allows its civilians to own arms, a different culture exists on the playgrounds. paranoia and fear shroud parents today and prohibit their children to play with toy guns, or with other children who own such toys.
in a washington post article i read today, the reporter recounted several instances of children being charged for terrorist threats, or suspended from school, because they possessed such "violent weapons".
In New Jersey, an 8-year-old boy used an L-shaped piece of paper in a game of cops and robbers during recess. School officials called the police, saying the child had threatened "to kill other students" by saying "pow pow" on the playground.
In Texas, a 13-year-old girl was suspended and transferred to a school for problem kids after she brought a butter knife to school with her lunch. Her parents had packed the dull knife so that she could cut her apple to make it easier to eat because she wore braces.
In Arkansas, an 8-year-old boy was punished for pointing a cooked chicken strip at another student and saying "pow, pow, pow."
It's absurdity really, but who can blame them for their fears when their country is constantly rubbing off wrongly with nations. We should just label all things sword or gunlike as weapons of mass destruction.
after doing my own laundry for one and a half years, today i realise that i've been using softener instead of detergent the entire time. no wonder there's never any lather whenever i wash my clothes by hand.
brilliant, eh? oh the level of intelligence of an undergrad.
**
on another intelligent note, i come back from an awesome thanksgiving break (more on that soon) to find that the food in the fridge has gone rotten/moldy because my roomie clever-ly turned off the power before going back home for the week. the fridge smells like CRAP.
the week usually rolls by with not much ado. eat. sleep. work. exercise. in varying amounts. on the rare occasion its more work, or more exercise; but mostly, more sleep and more eating. i wish this week was one of those work & exercise weeks -- lots of assignments due before thanksgiving break next week, plus i will be hanging out on the beach in bahamas so exercise would come in real good. but no. this was one of those sleep and eat weeks. funny how they usually come together. (but like zhi says, fat people go to the bahamas too what.)
yesterday, i had a l'oreal case competition presentation. we sucked so bad. i was not nervous mentally, but my body couldn't stop trembling. i had no idea why. seriously, i was like telling myself, STOP IT, but i wouldn't listen to me. anyhow, it was just bad, plain embarrassing, and such a waste of time.
i came back and wanted to eat my ben & jerry's (it was on sale - 2 for $6). and guess what (no prizes for guessing correctly) - it was stolen. bloody hell. i wrote a nasty note on the whiteboard in the kitchen, complained to jenn (who's my rc), clara and just about anyone who would listen to me. not that my boys will appear back in the freezer. screw you whoever took them from me. GRRRR. i guess maybe its a good thing, helps with the whole bahamas bikini business.
i shall end off with a song:
Aruba Jamaica ooh I wanna take ya Bermuda Bahama come on pretty mama Key Largo Montego baby why don't we go ooh I wanna you down to Cocomo we'll get there fast and then we'll take it slow that's where we wanna go way down in Cocomo
i just wished two good friends from primary school happy 21st birthday. ive know them for more than ten years now. its nice, and yet scary, to be able to say that. how we've grown up, but not quite. funnily, my best and most vivid memories of them are of tiny little girls in blue (or yellow-team pe shirts).
**
on travelling:
i went for my bus driver "interview" today. im on my way to becoming certified! wooohooo! the paper work and all is SUCH a chore tho *grr*
**
on pants:
after my interview, i "walked past" old navy (i noticed they were having a sale last week). and i bought a pair of jeans from the kids section for 97cents. woooot! i love crazy american sales.
i am the girl who never crawled but instead learned to first move around on her butt. i am the girl who'd wake up every morning and cry when her mum was getting ready to go to work. i am the girl whose parents forgot to enroll her in nursery school. i am the girl who won the erasing contest with her paint palette eraser, not because she had the best eraser, but because she used the most force. i am the girl who'd do her work first thing when she got back from kindergarten, but i am also the girl who later on played in her uniform until 10 at night before coming home to do her work. i am the girl who carried her worksheets around in a tattered paper bag. and mysteriously lost the whole bag one day. i am the girl who tore the corners of her sister's workbook because she wanted her mum's attention. i am the girl who cried because she didnt know how to spell 'together'. and then learnt that it was spelt to-get-her. i am the girl who tore up a play script because she didnt get to choose what play her group was going to put up. i am the girl who lost a wallet every year, and tingxie books and shou ces about 5 times a year. i am the girl who's pri4 chinese teacher thought she was not good enough for higher chinese, but later on got A1 for alevel chinese (im not sure if that means anything). but i am the girl who couldnt answer when this lady asked her in mandarin how much the fairy costume at disney store cost. i am the girl who came back from recess every PE lesson with dented specs cos she sucked at basketball. i am the girl who went to coffeebean almost everyday after school, and sat in the elevators up and down till she felt nauseous cos she was bored. i am the girl who stood on the escalator and along the walkway to the taka toilets doing funny poses. in her SCGS uniform. *gasp* i am the girl who collaborated with her friend to boil and decorate eggs, and placed them outside her classroom door, for easter. i am the girl who carried a basket of muffins to school on valentines day. i am the girl who skipped school to watch 'the divine secrets of the yaya sisterhood'. i am the girl who eats all the biscuits in the house. and i am the girl whose family is reminded of her when they see the biscuits piling up. i am the girl who sets high expectations for herself, who achieved them fairly easily in the past, but finds herself slipping further away from them now.
she jumped off the swing @ 10:19 PM
*
i am the girl who loves travelling but is terrible at making travelling plans... that's how i found myself stuck in frankfurt overnight for 12hours with no warning in advance i am the girl who has learnt to be vulnerable i am the girl who used to complain about being fat, and now wonders what in the world she was thinking i am the girl who can take three naps in a day and still have no problem sleeping at night i am the girl who always leaves things to the last minute, stresses out over it, but never learns her lesson i am the girl who stops to watch the leaves turn red in fall even though she is late for class i am the girl who practised her scream before jumping out of a plane i am the girl who lives life so far out to the edge that sometimes she falls off
cherie is coming to new york!!!!! cherie, you're coming to new york!!!! its gonna be the awesome threesome! =D
i developed my first roll of film today! it was a nerve wreck cos we had to do everything in the dark - prying open the canister, snipping the film off the roll, winding the film into the spiral (tts not the real name for it) and then putting it into the developing can (tts not the real name for it either).
alot of screw ups along the way but it didnt matter. i opened my camera before i unwound the film. i didnt wind the film into the spiral properly so i lost some pictures, but thank goodness they werent the important ones. we didnt have all the solutions made up so we had to multitask and develop the film while making up the solutions. there was a crack in the lid of my developing can! but its all fine =)
my books from amazon came! nothing too exciting about textbooks, but i just love going to the mailroom to pick up parcels. makes me feel important! hehe.
i am going skydiving!!!!! enough said. everytime i think about it i can't help but *squeal*!
its over. im done. i dont want to have anything more to do with you. and so this chapter is closed.
goodbye marx. u made me sit on my butt the whole weekend. i couldn't have any fun at all, all because of you. and i think im going to badly on this paper.
[on a side note, i do love my anthro professor even though he made me read marx. he emailed me after i sent him my paper, and he said "I was going to ask you how it went but as the class was ending you never looked up." awww!]
highlights this weekend: a blue cotton candy cloud lots of birthday cake msn pictionary clean sheets
and that's about it. sigh! at least you dont have to hear about the M-C-M' stuff anymore.
spheres of exchange. there are four of them: M-M' M-C-M' C-M-C' and C-C', where C represents 'commodity' and M represents 'money'.
the most basic form of exchange, is the C-C' sphere, which is really just barter trading. one cow for three pigs, assuming one cow has the same exchange value of three pigs. however, one cow and three pigs have different use values, because you can get milk, leather and beef from one, and pork, ham and toothbrushes from the other. their physical properties are different.
as you progress from one sphere of exchange to another, you are almost progressing up the social hierarchy of money. barter trade seems primitive, and the M-M' sphere is now the new trend of the season, where you trade money for more money e.g. through stocks and bonds and what have you. M-M'.
although the M-M' sphere dominates all the other categories, it really is the least productive sphere of all, imo. no commodity is produced as a result, and the money is not used for the purpose for which it was created, that is, to mediate the exchange of commodities. money shouldn't be an end in itself, for you can do nothing with it except maybe fold origami, if it lost its mediation property. consumption, the satisfaction of needs, should be the goal of these exchanges. otherwise, we end up being money hoarding, mercenary creatures who enjoy the smell of money and nothing more.
to me, the M-M' sphere is made-up, created. we could live without it, because we need to satisfy our needs, as achieved in the C-M-C sphere but not in the M-M' or M-C-M' (which is really just an extension of the former) spheres. this is why, or this was why, the finance field is not for me. because i do not believe in it. i could never articulate it, but i found my answers from Marx.
washington DC orlando
singapore
vancouver & seattle mississippi
paris shanghai huangshan hangzhou nanjing beijing xi'an chengdu
summersville, wv
nassau, bahamas
boston
new york city
new orleans
arizona
los angeles
london
madrid
barcelona
seville
southwest france
lyon
paris
